Keep talking as they get older

Stress and peer pressure
Understand the pressures they’re facing from peers and wanting to fit in. Don’t fly off the handle if you discover they’ve been drinking. Talk it through and explain the risks they are taking – it can often be a frightening experience.

Work out your strategy – If they don’t show remorse, will you ground them, or stop their allowance for a month? It’s important to understand why they want to drink; reasons that teenagers give include increasing their confidence and enjoyment in social situations, getting a buzz and having something to do, being able to forget their problems, helping them fit in, to gain respect or enhance their image.

Have a look at our guide for teenagers (talkabouttrust.org/resources/alcohol-and-you/) for ideas to support them or we have some great short films called ‘Just A Few Drinks’ made with BBC2 via talkabouttrust.org.

Make them feel respected
It may seem obvious, but letting your child know that you respect them often gets overlooked in busy lives. For every positive comment we make to our teenagers, we make 14 negative ones! Your child’s opinions matter, and so encourage them to express their views and be supportive. Let them know in good time of any changes in your house rules that will affect them, and let them know you love them too. If their friends get into trouble and your child wasn’t involved, reward them and say how proud you are that they acted so maturely.

Set limits
It’s important that children know your house rules and what happens if they break them. They will test them, so don’t make threats you’re not prepared to carry out. An effective ‘punishment’ is to remove privileges – such as grounding them for a while, stopping their allowance, cancelling having friends over, etc.
But don’t forget to praise them when they do the right thing. Giving reasons for the rules helps children to stick to them and develops a sense of responsibility. Knowing who they’re with and when they’ll be back is important for their safety, and not just your sanity.

Trust them
Trusting your child means they’ll feel they can tell you the truth (especially about unacceptable or risky things), and you won’t get angry or judge them. Being willing to listen to their side of the story, and talking through the other options, will help them to make more sensible choices in the future.

Trust is essential to open and honest communication. If your child feels safe discussing difficult issues with you, then they’ll talk to you when they need to and listen to what you have to say.
Remember, you are key – through example you set, by knowing where your kids are and who they are with, sticking to rules you agree to and controlling monetary allowances, you can help ensure that your children become responsible young adults.